Deep from within the....depths of my...me.
Happy Post-Christmas! I hope that by now you're all coming out of your ham, potato, and cookie-induced comas.
I'm sitting here with my parents watching "Monster-in-Law" with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda. Another romantic comedy. And every time this guy gives J. Lo a line about the color of her eyes, or when the two of them lock eyes from across the beach and you know they're immediately attracted to one another and all that melodramatic bullshit, I literally rolled my eyes and made some snide comment about how it doesn't happen like that. Not in real life. At least not in mine. And it makes me sad that I feel that way, because I want to believe that there's romance out there, somewhere. I guess it just has to find its way back to me.
I guess I shouldn't sound so antipathetic, because I do have love. But I suppose I've learned that just because you are loved, doesn't mean that you never feel alone. I've felt pretty alone this Christmas. And for the past few months, or this past year, as well. But, in my loneliness, I take comfort in love. I do. Because it's there. In some absent form, it's there.
Wow. That makes little to no sense. But I'm sure at least one person gets what I'm trying to say. And they know who they are.
But it is hard. And it sucks. I'm no saint.
Speaking of saints.
My parents are them. Saints. They are. My parents are saints. I don't deserve half the things they do for me, and yet they keep doing, giving and sacrificing. They've invited me back into their home to live, eat, and otherwise exist for free. They put up with me when I come home late after a night out downtown. My mom makes my bed for me and does my laundry. They do the dishes (we have a dishwasher, but still). This all makes me sound very lazy and ungrateful or incompetent at home, but they never say anything. I'm going to start doing my part around the house, I've decided. I should've been doing it since I moved back in, but I'm going to start now.
For Christmas, my parents are always more than generous, and there's no possible way in the world that I can ever repay them or thank them enough for what they give and have given me. This year they got me exactly what I wanted, and more: Two really great tickets to HAIR, a new guitar, guitar lessons, an iHome that changes colors, and a Wii (for the family). Last year, they bought me this snazzy MacBook that I'm typing on right now, and a pink iPod the year before that. These people would bend over backward for me, I just wish I could show them the same. I have great parents.
I suppose I should gush about my sister a little bit too (insert tonguey face emoticon here). She's my best friend. A lot of times I feel like I don't have one person in this world that I can call my best friend, but my sister is, even though she's family. Still counts. We're the kind of people who have all these weird rituals or habits or just do weird things. This year was odd because she and Justin couldn't be here until Christmas Day, whereas she's usually here for Christmas Eve. It felt a little empty without her there. It's pretty weird having her living three hours away. But such is life. It's fun to go visit and party with them down there.
Overall, it was a good Christmas. It was just different. A lot of adjustments to make. But I've made a lot of tiny little plans that I'm going to try to stick to in the new year, not so much a resolution as small rituals that I'd like to keep up for at least the semester. It'll help keep me organized, and probably make me a better person in the long run.
I've got six minutes of battery left on this baby, I should lock her up for the night. We're watching "Shrek Forever After" now anyway. Gonna go pay attention.
Happy Holidays, everyone.
Peace. Love (u).
Molly
I'm sitting here with my parents watching "Monster-in-Law" with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda. Another romantic comedy. And every time this guy gives J. Lo a line about the color of her eyes, or when the two of them lock eyes from across the beach and you know they're immediately attracted to one another and all that melodramatic bullshit, I literally rolled my eyes and made some snide comment about how it doesn't happen like that. Not in real life. At least not in mine. And it makes me sad that I feel that way, because I want to believe that there's romance out there, somewhere. I guess it just has to find its way back to me.
I guess I shouldn't sound so antipathetic, because I do have love. But I suppose I've learned that just because you are loved, doesn't mean that you never feel alone. I've felt pretty alone this Christmas. And for the past few months, or this past year, as well. But, in my loneliness, I take comfort in love. I do. Because it's there. In some absent form, it's there.
Wow. That makes little to no sense. But I'm sure at least one person gets what I'm trying to say. And they know who they are.
But it is hard. And it sucks. I'm no saint.
Speaking of saints.
My parents are them. Saints. They are. My parents are saints. I don't deserve half the things they do for me, and yet they keep doing, giving and sacrificing. They've invited me back into their home to live, eat, and otherwise exist for free. They put up with me when I come home late after a night out downtown. My mom makes my bed for me and does my laundry. They do the dishes (we have a dishwasher, but still). This all makes me sound very lazy and ungrateful or incompetent at home, but they never say anything. I'm going to start doing my part around the house, I've decided. I should've been doing it since I moved back in, but I'm going to start now.
For Christmas, my parents are always more than generous, and there's no possible way in the world that I can ever repay them or thank them enough for what they give and have given me. This year they got me exactly what I wanted, and more: Two really great tickets to HAIR, a new guitar, guitar lessons, an iHome that changes colors, and a Wii (for the family). Last year, they bought me this snazzy MacBook that I'm typing on right now, and a pink iPod the year before that. These people would bend over backward for me, I just wish I could show them the same. I have great parents.
I suppose I should gush about my sister a little bit too (insert tonguey face emoticon here). She's my best friend. A lot of times I feel like I don't have one person in this world that I can call my best friend, but my sister is, even though she's family. Still counts. We're the kind of people who have all these weird rituals or habits or just do weird things. This year was odd because she and Justin couldn't be here until Christmas Day, whereas she's usually here for Christmas Eve. It felt a little empty without her there. It's pretty weird having her living three hours away. But such is life. It's fun to go visit and party with them down there.
Overall, it was a good Christmas. It was just different. A lot of adjustments to make. But I've made a lot of tiny little plans that I'm going to try to stick to in the new year, not so much a resolution as small rituals that I'd like to keep up for at least the semester. It'll help keep me organized, and probably make me a better person in the long run.
I've got six minutes of battery left on this baby, I should lock her up for the night. We're watching "Shrek Forever After" now anyway. Gonna go pay attention.
Happy Holidays, everyone.
Peace. Love (u).
Molly
That's the part that they don't tell you about getting older and growing up. Things change! My brother isn't home for holidays more than he is and it just feels plain weird. Like there's this weird empty void that we can't quite fill. Oh well...life goes on and you make the best with what you have. :-) Hugs and LOVE!
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