Accidentally Hilarious.

Happy Post-Christmas! I hope that by now you're all coming out of your ham, potato, and cookie-induced comas. I'm sitting here with my parents watching "Monster-in-Law" with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda. Another romantic comedy. And every time this guy gives J. Lo a line about the color of her eyes, or when the two of them lock eyes from across the beach and you know they're immediately attracted to one another and all that melodramatic bullshit, I literally rolled my eyes and made some snide comment about how it doesn't happen like that.  Not in real life. At least not in mine. And it makes me sad that I feel that way, because I want to believe that there's romance out there, somewhere. I guess it just has to find its way back to me. I guess I shouldn't sound so antipathetic, because I do have love. But I suppose I've learned that just because you are loved, doesn't mean that you never feel alone. I've felt pretty alone this Christmas...

Merry Christmas Eve, everyone. I don't know why I'm blogging. It seems I've got nothing else to do until tonight. Don't worry, it's not as though I'm missing out on any exciting family Christmas traditions or activities, my dad and I are sitting here in the family room watching really bad Ben Stiller movies and my mom just popped a frozen pizza into the oven. Sounds charming, doesn't it? The LeCaptain family Christmas has never really been one of grandeur or great measure. That doesn't mean to say it isn't fun or doesn't mean anything. It's one of the only times of the year (along with Thanksgiving) that the entire clan gathers together to celebrate while sitting around a table full of hors d'oeuvres and cookies, while A Christmas Story  plays in the living room and the tree hovers over all the presents until the children start ripping them open. 'Tis an exciting time. Nah, really. I'm making it seem like I don't enjoy...

I really need to start blogging when I have the impulse to blog when the ideas are still running around in my head, instead of waiting till 20 minutes later when they're all pooped out and leaning against the wall, trying to catch their breath before making the next six laps, and already their teeth feel like they're all going to fall out and there's a taste of blood in their mouth, a stabbing pain in their side and their lungs feel like lead..... What you just read was exactly what it was like for me to run a mile in high school. All metaphors aside, really. The ideas were there, and now I'm not sure how fresh they are.... Before I go into some other metaphor about freshness, I'll get to the point. Tonight I saw Black Swan . I didn't know too much about it, just that I'd heard some people say, "Oh it's a ballet movie with Natalie Portman," and things of that nature, so I decided to see if it was playing in my city, and of course, it wa...

Things I am no good at: Purling Belching The worm Time management Science Video games Double tasking (this is task dependent, of course) Not thinking baby animals are cute Golf Lying Being normal Things I am pretty darn good at: Blogging Buying things I usually don't need Sleeping Liking pink Hating Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Nickelback, and country music in general Eating tasty food Laughing Keeping secrets Hugging Love Ukulele (ish) Music Procrastinating Being funny Being awkward Loving the song "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo" by TSO Dancing around like a crazy person to aforementioned song Confusing the hell out of people Making weird noises, like baby crying Giving advice Being patient Being loyal Having fun Naming things (i.e. a bear named BearBear, a monkey - MonkMonk, a flamingo - MingMing...) Smiling Staying true to who I am The bad's came before the good's merely because I was freshly frustrated at how bad I am at pur...

I swear. I know I may not be the best at grammar, or English, or writing, or speaking, or anything , really, but I do appreciate the honest attempt to write, speak or ... I don't know, burp the English language. (I'm sure I'd appreciate the honest attempt to write, speak or burp other languages, but I'm not fluent in any other, so alas, I must stick with English. Curse my unilinguity. I made up a word. Unilinguity. Uni-linguity?) The review for Spelling Bee was in the school newspaper this week. It was terrible . To say the least. I think I wrote better pieces of literature when I was in middle school. I mean, if we all thought that the man who writes for the local newspaper, a former sports columnist, was bad, this reviewer just came bounding and leaping ahead of him and took first prize in the Really Crappy Composition Contest . (See what I did with the alliteration there? Clever.) Not only was it a summary of the plot, a really horribly, criminally vomitous summary...

In honor of the Christmas season, I would like to share with you all that the Jim Carrey The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is my favorite Christmas movie ever. Seriously. I used to quote that movie all the time, back in 7th grade. Hell, I still do. ("Holiday Who-bie What-ty?" Yeah. I use that in everyday conversation when I have no idea what you're talking about.) My friend Caitlin and I used to sing the song "Where Are You Christmas" (the Cindy Lou Who rendition, with crappy children voices and all) at lunch just about every damn day. It's no wonder we were so popular. Also, Jessica is pretty. And her bed is really tall. :) Peace. Molly