The Best of Okay

So, speaking of being a "prisoner of hope"...

(Look at me, going on a blogging RAMPAGE, two in two days!)

I should be sleeping right now, but I can't sleep. I am a prisoner of my own mind. I thought I had things pretty under control as far as keeping my emotions in check, but some of the bad ones are starting to get loose and make me feel less happy than I would like to be. But this is only today. One step backward is no big deal. It just makes me wonder if I'm okay, or if I'm only pretending to be okay. Like tricking my mind into thinking I'm okay, but really, ... well, I'm not. Is the general point of this statement. Fragment. Boogers.

Okay. So apparently these bad emotions are sneaking out and making me weird(er than usual), as well.

But seriously.

How am I ever to know if I'm really okay, or if I'm just faux okay? (For all you uni-linguists out there, that means "Fake" in French.) What if when I really feel okay, it's really just my brain going, "You're not okay, Molly, but I know how badly you want to be okay, so I'm going to send you signals that tell you that you're okay, but really...you're not. Have a nice day!" And off I go into the world, thinking I'm okay, smiling and laughing, until suddenly the wind blows a stray leaf on the windshield of my car and I burst into uncontrollable tears because I've been bottling up all this non-okay-ness all day what with all the faux laughing and the faux smiling, but really, it was all a lie??? What if?

Maybe that's a little extreme.

I think I know when I'm okay. I think that I am okay. Fine? That might be pushing it a bit. But okay I can do. It may be a while until I can truly say that I am really good, or great, or superbly fantastically ridiculously happy, but until those days, I suppose I am just going to have to make the best of okay.

Mer.

That's about all I have for tonight. I have a date with a full-size bed. (Which has a new comforter might I add.)

Good night.

Peace out.

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