The most unconvincing April Fool's prank ever.

I, Molly LeCaptain of Accidentally Hilarious, am sad to tell you that I am dead. Last night, at precisely midnight, as I was skateboarding home from Candy Mountain, a rooster the size of an oak tree came out of the sky and scratched my face off, whereupon I bled to death. After that, some sewer rats scurried to my dead carcass and hoisted it away to my house, because they knew where I lived because the address is tattooed on my big toe.

This is a most unfortunate event, because just before the incident I had been on the phone with my talent agent Arnold Schwarzenegger who told me that I had been cast as the lead in every single hit television show on right now, and that I would start filming tomorrow.

Also, I bought the state of Florida and every flamingo living there and had them shipped to my house. They now reside in my bedroom, and my parents will be responsible for them until the doctors are able to revive my body from the dead, because before my phone call with Arnold Schwarz, I had discovered the cure for death and told the hospital right away.

So, feel free to send your cards and flowers to my house. Also, you can send money. And cheeseburgers. And cheesecake.

Peace. And my condolences on your loss of me.

Molly

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