Humans are ridiculous and I hate them.

I suppose it's time to update you all on my life in Chicago.

God you're so needy.

There honestly isn't a whole lot to say. But enough that's it's worth posting.

(^^^This is usually a sign that you're in for a long blog, so settle in, kiddos.)

I'm still working at the Greek restaurant. I started out as a cashier, but after about a month or so one of our managers moved to the other location and so I was moved to the breakfast shift, where I basically run the place for 3 hours until everyone else shows up for lunch. It's not so bad, you get to know the "regulars" who come in every day and order the same thing, shoot the breeze while their food is being made, make friendly wagers about the Packers/Bears (and lose). But then there are the people who demand their food be made a certain way, and if it's anything more or less than what they asked for, they will bring it back to you, and they will demand a refund or a new meal.

Humans are ridiculous and I hate them.

During the lunch rush, I move from cashier to "expeditor," which is basically asking the customer two simple questions: "For here or to go?" and "White or wheat pita?" If the customer says, "For here," I put their food on a tray. If they say, "To go," I put it in a bag. Sounds easy, right? (This restaurant is like a Subway, for Greek food. So you order at one end, and move down with your food as it goes from being just a loaf of bread, to a loaf of bread with cheese on it, to a toasted loaf of cheesed bread, to the toppings station where you tell them what you want on it. That's how our restaurant works, too. To give you an idea.)

I've come up with an extensive list of certain "types" of people that come in to our restaurant, and I'm guessing that this is probably the same list of people you'd see ordering food at any fast food restaurant. I wanted to turn this into some sort of silly vlog, but I'm no good at speaking with my mouth words and I'm too lazy to do all that editing. So here is my list in written form. Anyone in the food service industry, I hope you enjoy.

1. The Deer in the Headlights
• Everything you say to them is terrifying. Even if it's as innocent as "Would you like anything to drink today, ma'am?"
2. The Always Confused
• Eyebrows always raised, mouth usually open. They're either always confused, or in constant pain. 
3. The Ignorance is Bliss
• Dazed out or eyes glued to their phone, you could call their order 50 times and they would still not hear you. When you finally DO get their attention, they turn to you nonchalantly and give you a response as if they hadn't just wasted any of your precious time.
4. The Evil F***ing B***h
• This is the dreaded customer who is never satisfied, who will bring back their food and demand a refund because they didn't like it. Not because of anything that YOU did, but because they didn't like the way it tasted. They will do anything and everything to make sure you know they are unhappy.
5. The Sloth
• Pays in exact change after taking 5 minutes to retrieve their wallet from a very large purse. 
6. The Life or Death
• Simple questions impose a state of panic upon the customer. This is generally the person who will complain to the cashier that "everything moved so fast, I have no idea what I ordered." Even trying to think of an answer for "For here or to go" is like pulling teeth. They'll stand there for 10 seconds making that uncomfortable "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" sound (during which I've made the executive decision for them to just put it in a bag because I don't give a crap anymore and I need to move on) and then they'll say "For here." And then I have to take the damn food out of the bag and onto a tray. 
7. The Foreigner
• The customer doesn't speak English, communication nearly impossible. (I had a woman come in and try to ask me for "egg". I tried to explain to her that we only serve eggs in the form of an omelette. When she said "egg, bagel," I asked her if she wanted one of our 3 egg sandwiches on the menu. She continued to say "egg, bagel," so I literally gave her eggs on a bagel, and she got really pissed off and left. The next time she came in, she grabbed my chef, made him look at the menu while she pointed to what she wanted, then when I tried to ring her up at the register, she told me, "He can tell you what I ordered." I now refer to her as "The bane of my existence." 
8. The Cut to the Chase/The Eager Beaver
• You call out their order, they think this is their cue to cut to the front of the line and pay. Before you have finished asking them your string of questions, including how much money they owe you, they have already shoved their form of payment in your face. 
9. The Regular
• "I'll have my usual." (They came in for the first time yesterday.)
10. The Batshit Crazy
• My restaurant is located in a hospital. Our customers range from surgeons and doctors, to patients and homeless people who ask for complimentary water cups and then walk out with a cup full of orange soda. One particular customer is a woman who always wears sunglasses, and carries a large bag full of god knows what. She always comes right to the register and buys a fountain soda. She talks to herself. Or more likely the voices in her head. One day, she was putting away her wallet, and we heard her say this disturbing little gem: "YOU. Stop. LOOKING AT ME." Yikes.
11. The Dependent
• This is one of my favorite people. The Dependent is a person who can't make any decision on their own. I can understand looking to your friend or spouse to decide collectively if you are going to eat here or take your food to go, but if I'm asking you whether you want a white or wheat piece of bread, you should be able to make that decision on your own based on your own preference. 

That's it. There are plenty more that I will think of tomorrow when I see them at work, but this is the list I've come up with for now.

As for non-work related business, I've been working on a new musical called "A Christmas Wish" with Quest Theatre Ensemble. I play Jane Doe, a reindeer who was left behind by Dasher who chose to fly Santa's sleigh over being with me. Most of it takes place in a taxidermy shop.

Now if that doesn't intrigue you, I don't know what will.

It's ridiculously fun. I've had a blast working on it, the cast is a group of some of the funniest people I've ever had the pleasure of working with, not to mention they're all incredibly talented. We still have 3 weekends of performances left, and I'm already thinking about how sad I'm going to be when it's over.

Thankfully, however, when it is over and done with, I won't be left out in the cold without a show to work on. Quest has asked me to be a part of their next endeavor, Return of Neverland. I'm purdy excited. 

I thought that maybe I would feel some sort of guilt or regret for moving to Chicago instead of New York, but at this point, after having worked on A Christmas Wish and being asked to do Neverland, I feel like there's no better place for me to be right now. Chicago is like the perfect balance of New York and home for me. I'm just a 4 hour drive away from my family, but I get to enjoy city life and plenty of theatrical opportunities. 

I feel like this post is not as funny or interesting as I was hoping it would be when I first started writing it. I guess you can't win 'em all.

OH I ALMOST FORGOT since I moved here in June I've lost 20 pounds. Back down to 125, and never going back. So I'm telling you all right now, that if I can get off my butt and lose 20 pounds, ANYBODY CAN. So quit yer bitchin and do something about it, or accept that if you don't take action, you won't change.

That's about it for now. Sorry for ... whatever this is.

Molly